Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
