it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
