can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
