Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
