you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
i need some magic done to my vagina
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
