Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
