You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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