Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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