i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
