god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
