you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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