Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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