I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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