im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
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