when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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