I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
