apparently the secret to your success is patron
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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