he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I'm always down for nudity.
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