i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
