I accidentally burped into my bong.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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