What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
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sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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