Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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