i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
