Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
