Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
