I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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