I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
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also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
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Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
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