dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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