At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
