i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
