She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
