her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
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Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
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just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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