i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
