you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
