I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
