you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i will never coherently bang her
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
