oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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