i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
