mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
