Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
