if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
