So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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