Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
