No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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