Sry I called you an 8
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
