can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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