well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
