nut hugger
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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