Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
