I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
