I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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