I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
