Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Randomize
