if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
What a dumb baby whore.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
