he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Randomize
