So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize