I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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