i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
