i think my mom watched the whole time
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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