haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
