Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
